I haven’t even been home a week but I’m off again.  Jeff and I are packing up the ol’ Odyssey and heading West.  We’re off to the beach,  San Diego to be exact, for a holiday weekend of fun.  Shamu tops our list of attractions.  Of course sand and waves will play a part in our weekend getaway too.  And sunscreen of course.  Plenty of sunscreen.

     We didn’t make it to the beach a single time during my recent girls weekend in California (too busy tasting the wine maybe).  In all honesty though I’m not really a beach kind of gal, in spite of having been born and raised a California girl.  The Pacific ocean is way too cold for my tastes and I’m not a huge fan of sand in my crevices, know what I mean?  The kids though?  They love, love, love the ocean.  We used to vacation in Myrtle Beach when we lived in Georgia.  Oh the fun they had splashing in the surf.  They’d creep ever so close to the cresting waves and taunt them to wet their toes.  Those east coast beaches, if you ask me, beat the west coast ones hands down, at least when it comes to the user friendliness rating.  The ocean is warm enough to wade in and that makes all the difference.  Plus they have that pretty sea grass stuff growing right along the sandy beach edge.  Just like in the movies.  Yes, California beaches (especially along scenic Highway 1) are about as gorgeous as they come with the rocky cliffs that give way to water as blue as you’ve ever seen.  But user friendly, eh, not so much.  Typically temperatures at California beaches don’t climb all that high and chances of clear skies are slim to none.  East coast beach towns get warm as any inland places making the cool ocean water a welcome treat as opposed to something you force yourself to do because you can’t very well visit the ocean without taking a dip now can you?

     I’m supposed to be packing right now.  My mission is to have the car packed and ready to go by the time Jeff gets home from his short work day.  Seeing as how I have yet to even lug the suitcase back out from the closet it seems I’m running a tad behind.  So I suppose I should get busy.  The salty ocean air is beckoning.

     Have a great weekend friends!  Light a sparkler for me.

     Do you subscribe to Consumer Reports?  I do.  The website, not the magazine.  In fact my subscription has sort of crippled me in that I can’t make a major purchase anymore without obsessing over researching what those who’ve gone before me have to say about a certain product.

     In the spirit of sharing good information I thought I’d ask about a few different products I’ve been curious about.  You know, to get firsthand information from my trusted interfriends. 

     This is one of those pizza ovens.  Now, I’m picky about my pizza.  If I consume Pizza Hut it’s as a last resort.  Since moving to our current city I’m bummed to say that I have only found one restaurant that serves up a decent pie.  So if I have a craving for pizza, I make it myself.  I crank the oven way up and use a stone to bake it but I’m wondering if this little gadget would have anything on my boring old GE Profile wall oven. 

     The Margarator.  Looks to me like a glorified blender.  What does this doodad have on my Oster?

     I saw this brilliant invention sitting on my mom’s dresser during my recent visit and I forgot to ask about it.  Are you familiar?  It’s a foot scruffer (of file if you insist on using proper terminology) that catches all that nasty skin that you scrape off.  I’ve always scruffed over a wastebasket but then when Kennedy empties the bathroom trash I am sure to find plenty of skin flakes strewn all about the bathroom floor.  Say it with me friend, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

     Recognize this?  No it’s not some updated Nerf product.  Brace yourselves ladies - it’s a bra ball.  You put your bra in this and toss into the washer for a machine washed brassiere with hand-washed results.  How cool is that?  But does it work?

     Okay, now it’s my turn to tell you about a couple of things that I love and don’t.

     1. My panini press - Love it!
     2. My indoor electric ice cream maker - I scream for ice cream (two thumbs up).
     3. Scooba (the floor washing machine) - It was good while it lasted but it didn’t last long because the battery kept dying.  I wouldn’t buy it again.  I sold mine on E-bay.

     That’s all I can think of for now.  Feel free to chime in though on things you’ve tried and loved (or not so much) even if (especially if) I haven’t mentioned it here.

     I’m talking Bachelorette again peeps.  Sorry for those of you who don’t watch but I’m totally hooked on this season and I just gotta dish.

     Okay, so tonight we saw Jeremy get the long overdue boot.  I know, I know.  A lot of you liked him.  Why?  Well now that is beyond me.  Kickin’ abs aside, Jeremy’s got nuttin’.  He is dull as a slice of Domino’s pizza.  DeAnna kept saying that he was perfect and that she would be ‘lucky’ to be his wife.  Why?  Because he had a nice apartment and a great income career?  I suppose that a life with Jeremy would have been stable and prosperous but it almost certainly wouldn’t have been happy.  Take it from someone who knows.  Going the “safe” route isn’t always the best decision.

     Last week I couldn’t get over the fact that she kicked Graham to the curb.  Again, I know, I know.  Most everybody agrees that Graham was too immature for a serious relationship and that had DeAnna rolled the dice on him she would have come up a day late and a dollar short.  I’m not convinced though.

     Here’s the thing: DeAnna is familiar to me.  Not because I know her but because I can’t tell you how much she reminds me of myself.  For those of you who don’t know me personally you need look no further than this season of the Bachelorette to find a model of my personality.  And when she let Graham go I very nearly cried because I felt like she was making a gargantuan mistake.  Graham, you see, reminds me very much of the love of my life (yes, that would be my husband thanksforasking). 

     When I met Jeff I had my doubts let me just say.  You’ll have to keep in mind that I was a mother of three and inviting him into our lives was very risky for me.  I wondered how a man as immature young as he was would step up to the challenge of becoming a stable and positive influence on the three most important people in my life.  I mean for real, what kind of guy can go from zero to three kids in no time flat?  Successfully I mean.  Wouldn’t you know that the undeniable chemistry between us though (very much like what DeAnna had with Graham) left me unable to walk away.  And I’m not talking physical stuff here my friends (because I am well versed on what the phrase TMI means for starters) but I’m talking about that nameless something we shared that bonded us so tightly that I couldn’t imagine a life without him.  I spent many a sleepless night wondering if the choice I was sure to make would turn out disastrous.  In the end though I rolled the dice and as you all witnessed this past weekend in his guest blog posts one and two, I came up with a lucky 7.

     Okay okay, back to DeAnna.

     Now that Graham is gone my heart belongs to Jason.  Jesse is a great guy and I’m sure he’ll make some snowbunny gal very happy one day.  Not DeAnna though.  Not this time.

     Jason and big D come close to having what Graham and big D had.  And lucky for her, I think it was early enough in the game that she will be able to put Graham out of her mind.  If I were Jason though, I’d be just a tad insecure in Graham’s presence. 

     Here’s what I’m laying out for all you Bachelorette fans. 

     D is going to choose Jason.  Hands down.  No questions asked.  He is cute and comfortable and fun and they even have some sparks flying.  He already has Ty so there is no doubt that he is 100% ready for the marriage commitment that Miss D is so eager to make.  She’ll have that first child by the time she is 30 (2 if you count Ty) and her and Jason’s baby will beat Trista and Ryan’s kid in a cute contest any day of the week.  That was mean.  Disregard that last part.

     Of course she’ll have to deal with the dummy of an ex-wife if she is, in fact, still involved.  And that will be tough.  Again, take it from someone who knows.  But it will all be worth it because both Jason and DeAnna are totally HQP’s and they are practically guaranteed to live happily ever after.  Just like my other favorite reality couple, Rob and Amber, or Romber as they’ve lovingly been dubbed. 

     Ew, that could be a problem though.  What do Jason and DeAnna become?  JasAnna?  DeAson?  Yikes.  Forget I mentioned it.  Let’s just go back to believing that all reality TV marriages are matches made in heaven.  Because clearly, that is  what we all believe right?

     I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! I hope you all enjoyed Jeff’s posts. And yes my friends, I do realize that I am the luckiest girl alive. Not only did he endure a weekend alone with the two most care intensive of our children but he somehow found the time to put together two of the sweetest blog posts I’ve ever had the pleasure to read. He really is such the husband.

     And what did his sacrifice allow me to do you ask?  Well, I spent a wonderful weekend hanging out with my family back home.  A last minute change made it possible for Torri to join us for part of the time, quickly turning our three generation girls weekend into a four generation one.  We had the ultimate girl power day that involved pedicures, Starbucks, cruising in a convertible, yummy food, an open air concert, that nightclub I mentioned, and maybe even a bit of wine tasting.  I met my sweet and adorable neice as well as my younger brother’s equally sweet and adorable new girlfriend for the first time.  The time spent hanging out with my mom and grandma (and of course everyone else too) was such a gift and I’m so thankful for every minute of it.  Oh wait.  That wine tasting did leave me with a bit of a headache the following morning and I can’t really say I’m thankful for that.  Everything else was awesome though.

     I thought the best way to relay my experience to you was to share a montage of photos.  While mom and I tasted the vino, Gram and Torri explored the wineries.  Torri, who is becoming quite the photographer, found some very creative prospectives from which to shoot the scenery.  You’ll see a few of her shots below.  And for those of you wondering whether Gram stuck in for the nightclub bit I can assure you she did (she’s quite the trooper my Gram) but thanks to all those artsy pictures Torri took my camera battery didn’t stick around to capture the moment.  My mom, however, did get the goods and I will attempt to bribe her for the evidence. 

     Okay, I wish I could share more but if I don’t get to the laundry I’m liable to lose Jayce among the pile of it.  The pictures will have to suffice.

If you are reading today, then either you read my first installment and are a glutton for boredom, or you forgot that Darcie was gone and wanted to read whatever clever musings she was writing about today.  For the latter group of you, I will apologize in advance and recommend that if you are going to read this - you start at the beginning - yesterday’s post.  For the rest of you dial 1-800-BLOGS02 to keep your new favorite blogger in the competition…

3. Disney World.

OK, I had to add this or else I risk severe bodily harm.  While it might be inflated at number three, our first trip to DW was an amazing experience.  You all know Darcie well enough to know that I’d heard all about Disney World.  However, I had never been.  I (foolishly) thought that Disney World was just another theme park.  Yes, yes, yes – blasphemy, right??  I was just misguided.

Months before our first trip, I remember calling Darcie and spending hours looking at the Disney website and asking her Disney World trivia.  That was when I first learned that while flowers were of no use when Darcie was mad, talking to her about Disney World changed her mood faster than you can say ‘It all started with a mouse.’  Now I am not a great storyteller, so I will spare you the details of our trip (though if you ever end up on Darcie’s bad side, I recommend you ask her about it) – you will just have to take my word that it was an unbelievable trip and afterwards, I was not only a member…I was the president (OK…maybe I was the vice president, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it!)

2. Our Wedding Day.

When I proposed to Darcie, we both wanted to have a ceremony that involved the girls.  Beyond that, we didn’t know exactly what else we wanted.  Topping our list was getting married somewhere tropical.  I personally had visions of flip-flops, board shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and an ocean breeze…oh yea, and this guy performing the ceremony…

For a variety of reasons, we decided upon a small ceremony in Tucson – at that time, our soon to be new home.  We had an amazing ceremony at the Westward Look Resort.  I got my first peek at the amazing planner and designer that Darcie is and at the amazing team the two of us make.  We wrote our own vows and ceremony; we created our own programs and favors; we picked out all of the music and arrangement; we did it all.  And it was all absolutely perfect!  We even had a rainbow appear just before we had our wedding pictures taken – if that is not a sign, I don’t know what is!!  Now, I won’t bore you with the details – but I will tell you that I will never ever forget seeing her for the first time in her dress that night.  The whole world stopped in time and she was the only person I could see.  Funny how that feeling never went away…  Oh and if any of you suckers lovely ladies ever has the yearning to provide us with a week of child care for our four delightful children, we still fantasize about that tropical ceremony!!

And the number one event is…

1. The Birth of our Son.

You knew it had to be big in order to top our wedding day – right?  I think this is as big as it gets.  Now, I realize that I am preaching to the choir here…most of you being moms yourself.  But let me try to put this to you from a dad’s point of view.  For starters – we struggled with the decision to have another child.  There were times when I felt like our family was complete and other times when I felt like we really needed one more.  When we finally made our decision, I knew that we were doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

Now living in a house with four women, I really wanted to have a son.  Not to say I would have been disappointed with a girl, but I would have felt bad making her play with GI Joes and tackle football.  We bought a book on how to choose the sex of your baby, inconspicuously titled “How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby” and followed it to the letter – don’t worry, I won’t get into any more details than that.  The day that Darcie found out that she was pregnant, she got a box and put the positive pregnancy test in it and had me open it as a gift!  Ignoring the fact that she essentially gave me a stick with her pee on it, it was so sweet!  Just thinking about it now almost makes my eyes tear up.  I hung on Darcie’s every change and growing belly.  I read all the books, I followed his growth on the internet, we got a 3D ultrasound to get a better look at him, and I would fall asleep at night with my hand on Darcie’s stomach.  The pregnancy itself was an amazing experience…which is easy for me to say because I didn’t get sick or pee when I coughed!

I can still remember very specific details about the day he was born – which is a big deal for me because I am not very detail oriented (read this as: I am an unobservant man who probably didn’t notice that you got your hair cut or lost weight or got a nose ring.)  The actual birthing was not the most pleasant of experiences.  Jayce sort of got stuck, which is not surprising when you consider that Jayce was a large baby (a point of pride for me) and that Darcie is 5’3” and not heavy (I don’t know the rules about putting your wife’s weight on the internet, so I think it best to ere on the side of caution here.)  The trauma of the doctor using a toilet plunger to yank him out was a bit much for Jayce, who was pretty sure he wanted to stay right where he was, and his first experience in the world was chest compressions and oxygen from a mask.  That moment, when our newborn son was being treated and my wife was laying, exhausted and bleeding, on the hospital bed, I have never felt more torn.  I couldn’t leave my wife’s side even though I wanted to be by my son.  I think she noticed, and being an American Gladiator of emotional strength, she ordered me to Jayce’s side.  As you all well know, Jayce turned out just fine despite the brief scare (I think he was faking because he was mad at me for cutting his cord!)  But that day, my relationship with Darcie changed forever.  Just watching her give so much of herself not only to give life to our son, but to make me a father, still touches me.  That experience is a microcosm of the kind of person Darcie is.  If it is important, she will give everything she has for it and ask for nothing in return.  If that isn’t the kind of person who deserves everything - I don’t know who is!!

So, that is my top 5 list…I hope you all enjoyed hearing about Darcie from my point of view.  I know it is hard to believe, but she really is as amazing as she seems.  And since she is too humble to brag on herself, it is my pleasure to do that for her.  Now ladies, go ahead and leave me comments at your own peril - knowing that each new comment goes straight to my already inflated head!  And in the meantime, I will try to scratch something together for tomorrow’s blog since I lost my nerve before I stretched this one out into tomorrow as well!

As you all know, Darcie is out of town for the weekend, and so, being the good husband that she frequently brags about, I decided to step up and help her out with some blog content.  Now, I hope you aren’t expecting any sort of literal genius – that’s my wife’s job.  I’m more logical than creative, which is just one of the million reasons we complement each other so well.  But, the last thing I want is for you – her loyal reader – to feel neglected while she is in California!

As I’ve considered what exactly to write about to another group of Mom’s, I realized that I would need to leverage the one thing that we all have in common – Darcie!  So, I figured what better way to fill space entertain you than to provide you with my top 5 list of milestones / events so far in our life together.

5. Getting out of the Army.

So, this might not seem like an item that would crack the top 5…but it is exceedingly deserving of this spot because of all the struggles Darcie and I faced in the Army.  I spent five years in the Army and this time included 5 different duty locations: Georgia, South Korea, California, Arizona, and Iraq.  Three of these places came in the two years that Darcie and I were either engaged or married!  Beyond that, Darcie and I are the farthest thing from a cultural fit in the Army!!  Just to provide a brief summary, while Darcie and I were married I was: sent to Iraq on my birthday with less than a month notice; was called countless times between the hours of 2AM and 4AM; was forced to spend weeks at a time away from my family while training; and left my house at 4:45 AM only to return at 6:00 PM (or later) each and every day.  Throughout all of this, Darcie was always there for me.  She provided me with strength, love, and support.  She had endured more than her share of hard times in her life, and during this period, she was forced to endure mine as well.  Through everything, she was a rock.  She put in extra hours while I worked late.  She changed her plans when I would have to be at work over weekends.  She did it all alone while I was in Iraq.  She even drove down and met me at the airport in El Paso when I came home from the desert.

The night I was officially released – we celebrated like rock stars!  We both felt like new people.  It opened up an amazing new chapter in our lives that is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced.  Further, it closed a chapter filled with struggle, strife, and hard times.  I was overjoyed in the knowledge that I could now do a better job of building the life she deserved – a life that included a husband and father.  Two and half years later, I feel like I have been successful in this endeavor and I can definitely assure you that the grass remains greener out of the Army!

4. Camping at San Simeon.

This was my first quasi-vacation with Darcie and the girls.  I don’t think this is something that I have ever told her, but Darcie impressed me like crazy on this trip and any part of me that wasn’t in love with her before that was hopelessly lost afterwards.  Up to this point, Darcie was always a princess.  She was always clean, tidy, and washed her hands so much that it was a wonder she had skin left.  But on this trip, all of that changed.  Darcie wore some grungy clothes that I was surprised she even owned.  She used a Coleman stove to cook food that not even Coleman knew was possible.  She went 3 days without showering.  She flew a kite.  She was dirty.  She played with fire.  She was graceful, beautiful, and breathtaking.  I will never forget the side of Darcie that I saw on that trip and I realized just how lucky I was to be with someone like her – this beautiful, complicated woman who is so much more than meets the eye!

OK…so as I seem to share Darcie’s propensity to ramble on (in a good way, of course) I’ve decided to stop here and save the rest for tomorrow’s blog.  Besides, delayed gratification is the best kind!

     I’m off to California today for a three generation girls weekend.  My grandma, mom, and I plan to live it up with pedicures, summer concerts in the park, and even a visit to a, ahem, nightclub.  When I was younger the closest they had to a nightclub was an empty dirt lot where high schoolers gathered over an illegal bonfire and raised our underage toasts to making it to the state football playoffs.  My how things change.

     I love visiting the town I grew up in but it’s odd that it doesn’t feel like home anymore.  I don’t know exactly when that happened.  Probably around the same time that housing prices skyrocketed there and left me searching out a more prosperous future for my family.  That and the fact that it’s grown so much I barely recognize it.

     Still, when I step off the plane and take in that first whiff of salty ocean air I know I’ll breathe a sigh of relief.  And as we drive from the airport to my mom’s house and I see the vineyards that cover the hillsides I’ll no doubt feel a momentary pang of sadness for all that I miss there.  Because even though home isn’t home anymore, a part of my heart remains.

   I’ll be sure to take lots of photos and I’ll bribe my mom and grandma to let me post pictures of them on the internet.  A picture of my Gram in a nightclub would be priceless.  I’ve been assured that the place we are going is not  your typical nightclub but more of an upscale wine bar type place.  And while my Gram is a young Gram (great gram at that), she isn’t much of a drinker, wine or otherwise.  This should be interesting.

     I’ll try to check in with details.  ;) 

     Okay so last week on Works For Me Wednesday I posted a list of ten things that totally work for me.  As I was writing that post I started thinking about things that would  work for me, that is of course, if they existed.  So I made a list of those too.  In spite of the fact that they don’t exist, and likely never will.  You can’t stop a girl from dreamin’ right?

1.  You know how the post office has that forever stamp?  Well, I wish there had been forever gas back in 1995. 

2.  Or forever groceries in 1945. 

3.  Better yet.  My forever 25 body.

4.  Teleportation.  I could so do without airplane travel.  Or the long road trips with bickering kids in the backseat.

5.  And speaking of bickering kids in the backseat, Jeff and I frequently wish that our minivan had one of those windows like they have in limos.  What I wouldn’t give for a little switch that erected a sound proof barrier between the front and back seats.

6.  A little laundry fairy who fluttered in once a week and saw the whole process through from start to finish.

7.  An update on Rob and Amber of Survivor fame.  We love them.  I’m fairly certain most of America hates them but we LOVE them, even more so after they did the Amazing Race.  If Jeff and I ever get chosen to be on that show we’d be the next Rob and Amber.  Sneaky little devils weren’t they?  We’d so be them. 

8.  A switch operated mattress zapper.  What, you may be asking yourself, on Earth is a switch operated mattress zapper?  Well, duh, it doesn’t exist remember?  If it did though, I would have a handy dandy little switch in the kitchen and when I flipped it my not-so-morning-friendly teenage daughter would feel an invigorating little zip run through her body.  She’d be up and at ‘em in no time.  

9.  Go go gadget arms.  I’m not exactly a tall drink of water and I hate always having to ask my husband to reach stuff for me.  Makes me feel needy and I’m not into needy.

10.  Some sort of honing device that would let those annoying cell phone salesmen in the mall know that I am under contract and not interested in the bazillion minutes or free text messaging packages that they have to offer.  It doesn’t matter how they tout their networks because I’m not willing to pay the big bucks that it would take to get me out of my contract.  How hard is that to understand people?! Leave me alone and let me shop in peace for crying out loud.

     Sweet Miss Kellie at La Vida Dulce has bestowed upon me my very first bloggy award because I make her day!  As the mom of a teenager I rarely hear that I’ve made somebody’s day so Kellie’s award is a special one  to receive.

     When I started my own blog four months ago Kellie’s was one of the first blogs I started reading.  I quickly discovered that she and I had a lot in common but I was very surprised to learn that she lived mere miles from me.  We’ve hung out a couple of times since then and I just love that girl.  She is honest and real and a whole lot of fun.  Her blog makes me laugh out loud some days and other days I find myself hollering “Amen sister” to my monitor as I read her posts. 

     I’m paying this award forward my friends.  Who makes my day?  I thought you’d never ask. 

     Heather at A Day In The Life because we have so much in common I have to wonder if we were seperated at birth.  I’m always excited to see a new post from her in my bloglines and I look forward the the witty comments she always leaves.  She’s just an all around groovy girl.

     Givinya De Elba at Killing a Fly With A Ukelele Is Probably The Wrong Thing To Do.  Phew.  That was a mouthful.  She’s an Aussie from down under.  I love that she is a glass half-full kind of girl.  I think we’d get along swimmingly if we met but I don’t foresee myself making it to Australia anytime soon so our little online friendship will have to do!

     Amy at One Mom’s Memos totally makes my day too.  She is thoughtful and genuine and I love getting emails from her because she always has something interesting to say. 

     Okay, last but not least is The Queen B because she cracks. me. up.  Hilarious I tell ya.  She’s the go-to girl when you need a laugh.  Love her.

     Okay.  So, where was I?  Ah yes, we had just figured out that our car wasn’t about to make like a marshmallow and roast.

     So we went happily driving along the route that Maggie (we’ve named our Magellan GPS system Maggie) dictated.  And when we arrived at the Interstate entrance we saw a law enforcement vehicle blocking the on-ramp just like there had been in the podunk town.  The only difference is that we were the only waiters at this entrance, as opposed to the massive line of motorists waiting at the first on-ramp.

     We first approached the officer and asked if he had any inkling as to when the Interstate might open up.  He didn’t.  Nor did he want to venture a guess because, as he put it, “it could be five minutes or five hours.” 

     Awesome.

     The only sign of life in the area was a convenience store/restaurant.  I wish I could be more specific here but the signage posted outside of said restaurant read, “RESTAURANT.”  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Not knowing how long we’d be stuck I contemplated patronizing the RESTAURANT.  We cruised slowly by and, from the safety of our four door sedan, cased the place.  The fact that there was nary a diner to be seen wasn’t as much a deterrent as the fact that the RESTAURANT did not have its own entrance.  To gain admittance to the RESTAURANT one had to go through the convenience store.  Seeing as how I have a policy against eating anywhere that shares a bathroom with a gas station we decided to decline.  My bladder, however, required immediate attention so I did pay a quick visit to the ladies room at the convenience store.  I fully expected it to be one of those bathrooms that facilitates just one at a time while a hoard forms in the hallway and without fail some brainiac comes up and rattles the doorknob just to be sure.  It wasn’t that sort of ladies room though.  Upon entering I found a row of stalls and chose the second one from the door because that’s what I always do if availability allows.  You can imagine my surprise when I shut the door behind me and found not one but two commodes there, placed squarely side by side. 

     I don’t even want to know.

     I felt a tad guilty tinkling and running without even purchasing a pack of gum but I got over it quickly enough.  As I was fighting the raging wind to open my car door without it knocking me cold I noticed that the policemen were driving away and abandoning their posts at the on-ramp.  The last one to leave noticed us waiting there and stopped next to our car.  When Jeff rolled down the window he told us that the Interstate was open for westbound vehicles.  And that proclamation, my friends, was music to my ears.

     It was a bit eerie on the Interstate seeing as how there wasn’t a single car or truck anywhere to be seen.  We assumed we must have gotten quite a head start on traffic.  But about fifteen miles or so into the journey we happened upon a tow truck cleaning up the remnants of an overturned semi truck.  The remaining wreckage took up both lanes of the road and our presence there raised a few eyebrows.  Not looking a gift-horse in the mouth though we simply went around the accident, nonchalantly offroading just a tad to get by.

     Some quick calculations told us that it would be nearly ten at night before we got home so we thought it best to try to find something to eat in the next town we came to.  Now if you’ve been reading my blog for awhile then you know that fast food, by any other name, is not my thang.  So when we came upon a Pizza Hut I weighed it against the Taco Bell/KFC place and decided to go with the pizza.  Not that Pizza Hut counts as real pizza, but at this point in my day I was too exhausted to split hairs.

     You can imagine how I was pleasantly surprised to see wine offered on the Pizza Hut menu.  Normally I would scoff and turn up my nose but after the doozie of a day I’d just endured i threw caution to the wind and ordered a glass of the two dollar and twenty-five cent per glass good stuff.  Of course the server looked at me as though I’d asked for Fillet Mignon.  I pointed to the menu where it clearly stated wine by the glass, but she wasn’t fazed.  We have Bud or Bud Light.  Alrighty then, no boxed wine for me.  I made do with Pepsi.

     After filling ourselves with a greasy concoction of fake, stringy cheese and saltine crackeresque crust we indulged in a family order of cinnasticks.  Whatever.  Nutritional value is totally overrated anyhow.

     When we got back into the car for our last 60 mile stretch things seemed to return to normal.  The kids drifted off to sleep in the backseat and I dreamed longingly of my head coming to rest on my pillow at home.  As I gazed out the window I noticed a bizarre orange glow snaking through the mountains.  It was dark so I couldn’t tell for certain but it looked like fire.  I had to roll down the window and take a big ‘ol whiff to confirm that it was indeed fire.  Fire that seemed to go on and on for miles.  Being the nosey passerby model citizen I am I did my civic duty and called 911.  Ah, but it wasn’t my day to be a hero as someone else had already informed the powers that be of the situation.  The 911 operator did inform me that there were two fires burning in the mountains outside of our little desert city, likely sparked by lightning.  Pffft.  Lightning.  You think that’s impressive?  Let’s talk haboobs lady.

     After the day we had I half expected to find that a UFO had crash landed in our backyard while we were away.  Much to my delight though we found no such thing upon our return home.  We quickly bathed the kids and ourselves (we couldn’t very well crawl into bed covered in dust now could we) and slipped into the comfort of our beds.  And that, my friends, was one doozie of a day.

     It was worth it though; we got our Cassie back.