Roots and wings

TorriIt’s been over a month since with one ticket round-trip and and the other one-way I got on a plane with her and we flew to Florida.  We shopped and we ate ice cream.  We bought toilet paper and sponges for her first apartment.  And then I stood outside on a curb and  while I squeezed her I opened my eyes to memorize every color of that most impossible goodbye.

I went back to the hotel alone and I let the phone go unanswered in favor of sobbing until my eyes swelled and throbbed.  My mom texted: You okay?  I answered: I will be.  And then I woke up in the middle of the night with what I now know were hives.  Worry manifested.

A friend came by today and she said to me I’ve been thinking about you.  Her kids are at camp and she misses them and so she thought of me and my most impossible goodbye.

It really was impossible.

But there she is and here I am and this is where we are and it’s surprisingly fine.

On her first day of preschool, there was a little blonde boy with curls who cried and clung to his mom–wouldn’t let her go.  Mine, meanwhile, shrugged and waved a shy goodbye.  Roots and wings, I told myself as I got in the car that day and drove home to play the waiting game.

I still tell myself.  Roots and wings.  And prayer.

and maybe also a little pink can of key-chain pepper spray tucked safely in her purse.

8 thoughts on “Roots and wings”

  1. Such a great photo; she is so beautiful! I feel badly that I didn’t think enough about how difficult that goodbye must have been. I can’t really imagine. When we talked recently I guess you were already in the “fine” stage.

    1. No need to feel bad; it’s all good now! I know that when you have little ones it’s impossible to imagine them growing and going. But I guess you get a glimpse of it in dealing with the older three. This is a good thing–I know it. But I do miss that girl!

  2. Omg….Darcie! I’m sobbing only because I too in less then a month will be sending my daughter off to college…..I’m dreading the day! I’m glad that she is doing fine and your doing fine! Hugs!!!

    1. It was a challenging event, Laura, but I’m truly surprised by how natural it all feels now. I pray that your transition will be just as seamless! xo

Something to Say?