Jeff was out of town for work last week. During his trip, we faced a sizeable–though thankfully rare for us–marital issue that kept us up on the phone until the wee hours of a weeknight morning. It was the last night of his trip and this was one of those things that we absolutely had to address and at least begin to untangle before he came home the next morning. It was an issue that big–at least, it seemed so at the time. After hours of back and forth we finally settled it well enough to be able to hang up the phone but I had lingering unease. And so early the next morning I turned to The Book and squinted against the words and then I sat in silence and listened for His voice until finally my answer was clear.
“Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” – Hebrews 12: 1-3
The entire passage is SO good, but my focus settled heavily on one part: fixing our eyes on Jesus.
It was a timely message–one that I would need to remember when later that day my guy came home and we set about the business of hashing out that which needed to be hashed. As a reminder to myself, I erased the previous verse from my chalkboard and referenced a new one.
I am so grateful for my marriage–for the man I’m married to. We don’t have a snow white love, my guy and me. We have a love that was stained blood red before it even began. But he and I come together in so beautiful a mess of colors that unless you know it’s there, you’d be hard-pressed to see any splotches. We live this life that crashes and bursts and explodes–this perfect storm of love. We walk in stride. He picks up where I leave off. Every beat of our song strums along to so catchy a rhythm. All of it can be so mesmerizing that I often forget to look away.
I need reminders from time to time. And most assuredly He sends them.
I love the love I have with my guy. But I don’t want to be so lost in his eyes that I can’t see beyond him. Rather, I want the two of us–together–to be so found (so founded) in Jesus, that His brushstrokes alone color our lives.
It–like so many things–is a work in progress.