Stinky People

When my daughter saw the heading on my blog that read, “People who smell bad”, she repeated it aloud half giggling, half incredulous. She fully doubted I was really going to include such a thing on my site. After all, I’ve always taught her that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say she should refrain from saying anything at all. With that lesson firmly implanted in her soul, how could I justify disparaging scent-challenged people in such a public format? I know it sounds bad. But before you scold me for poor parenting, read on.

“I want to click there,” she said.

“I haven’t written the stinky people part yet. You’re just seeing the link that will eventually lead to that page,” I answered.

“Oh,” she replied. Not satisfied in the least. “Well, do you know who’s going to be on the list yet?”

You gotta love that kid; her one-liners are hilarious.

If, like Kennedy, you were hoping to visit this page to see who tops my list of stinky people, I am sorry to disappoint you. What I can do is offer an explanation. So, without further ado:

My husband and I have developed our own terminology relating to topics of frequent conversation between the two of us. If you’ve not checked out my musings on high quality people, you should; it’s a thoroughly entertaining (and maybe a tad controversial) read. Back to stinky people though.

I don’t remember for certain where I heard this, but I want to say that it was a tidbit Dr. Oz ( a high quality person) passed along during one of his segments on Oprah. Anyway, you’ve all heard of pheromones right? Wikipedia describes pheromones as, “chemicals that trigger a natural behavioral response in another member of the same species.” Surely you’re familiar with the concept. Blame that initial attraction to your spouse on a case of those darn flared up pheromones. Three kids and 15 pounds later and wouldn’t you know it? Suddenly those little guys have settled down. Figures.

Anyway, according to the unmemorable source that I sited earlier, pheromones work in the opposite way too. I know, crazy huh? Apparently, pheromones are also to blame when you meet a perfectly average human being (man or woman by the way, pheromones evidently aren’t choosey about sex in this case) who, for reasons you really can’t explain, you don’t care for. Surely you’ve experienced this. I know I have. There are just those people that you meet, or worse yet that you have to deal with frequently, that are like the kryptonite to your Superman. Nails on a blackboard. Water dripping in the middle of the night. You get my drift; some people just smell bad. So bad that your nose can’t even pick up the scent. Rather, your hormones and the chemicals inside take over in a defensive effort to keep you far, far away from the smelly culprit. And when you try to come up with a logical explanation for the utter distaste certain people leave in your mouth: nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. That’s when you know. It’s not that he or she is a bad person. Heck, neither are you for keeping your distance.

Don’t feel guilty. Sometimes our bodies know better than our minds. Some people just smell bad and there isn’t a darn thing we can do about it. Except maybe make a list and publish it online. ; )