Throughout the course of my life, I’ve had many roles: daughter, sister, friend, student, cheerleader, teen mom, wife, special needs mom, plain ‘ol mom, Girl Scout leader, Sunday school teacher. Now, team mom can be added to the list. I signed up for the position naively, without having the slightest clue as to the job description.
You can bet I won’t make that mistake twice. Just kidding. Kinda.
Because, here’s the thing: we have a team chock-full of deadbeat parents. Seriously.
Basically, the team mom has two duties: 1. Recruit volunteers for snack shack shift. 2. Organize the list for post-game team snacks.
Guess who is failing miserably at her duties, though not for a lack of trying. Notice that in order to accomplish those two duties, I need to rely on, well, teamwork. Apparently, though, the deck is stacked against me because the parents on our team can’t be bothered to bring some dang juice boxes and a bag of string cheese to the game! Oh, and recruiting volunteers for the league snack shack? It. ain’t. happenin’.
Our coach is the team’s saving grace. He and his wife just had a baby. {And by just, I mean, like a matter of weeks ago}. In spite of that, he’s taken it upon himself to not only devote countless hours on the field with a dozen 4, 5 and 6 year-olds, but also to bring along snacks to the {multiple} games for which we have no parent volunteers. Oh. And. AND! He is covering the final snack shack shift that the deadbeat parents committed to and subsequently backed out on. I’m telling you…a saint.
My third duty as team mom? To collect money for and purchase a gift for the {saint of a} coach. The trouble of course being that I don’t know him from Adam and I have no clue what to buy. I’m gladly taking suggestions.
Oh, and also? I’m taking a poll in the comments. If you had already brought team snacks once, as well as worked a shift in the league snack shack, as well as spent hours on team mom duties, would you cave and buy upwards of five rounds of post-game snacks for the team if the other parents outright refused to sign up? I know I could, but something about doing so really gets under my skin. Call me petty, but I’m not inclined to perpetuate the 80-20 rule, know what I mean?
On another note, this post was a good excuse to post some pictures of our cute little t-baller in action ;)
I have worn the team mom/manager hat for several years and what has worked for me: assign snacks upfront at the beginning of the season and distribute the list then. Don’t ask people to sign up. If the assigned family doesn’t bring snack then the team doesn’t get snack that day. Stinks for the kids but it should not be left up to the coach or you to provide snack everytime. For the shack duty, same…assign folks a date and tell them if they cannot volunteer that date, then they need to find a replacement. I am really surprised at the lack of involvement by the rest of the team at this age, usually the parents are all excited but maybe they also don’t realize all the work “behind the scenes.” Some may also have the mentality that its just about showing up and half the time they are late and/or don’t have all their gear with them. That drives my hubs crazy.
A couple of days before game day, I send a reminder about the game time, field etc and in that email I include who is in charge of snacks/drinks for that game.
Coach gift ideas: gift card to a restaurant (sounds like he and his wife could use a night out) or gift card to sports or hime improvement store.
Just pack a snack for your little guy on those days you’re not sure a snack is going to make it.
See now, this is precisely why I should have asked for tips at the start. I could totally have used your experience!
Here are some tips that have worked for me:
1. On the first day of practice, when all of the parents are signing the waivers and all of that, have a snack sign up sheet with all of the available game dates. Those that sign up for a particular date will be confirmed. For all others that didn’t sign up, assign dates. That way, every one has an assigned date to bring a snack/drink. A couple days before the game, remind the parents of the game time and who is going to be bringing snack. If they can’t bring snack on the assigned day, it is their responsibility to find another teammate to switch with.
2. Same thing for the snack shack. It’s nice to ask for volunteers, but when no one volunteers, you are just going to have to assign.
3. Gift cards: sports stores, restaurants. Or you could take photos of all of the kids and the coach throughout the season, have a book printed up (or just use a regular photo album) and have each of the kids sign their names on “their” page.
You will find that the parents are divided into two groups: those that help out and those that do not. That’s just the way it is, and I try really hard not to get frustrated about it because sometimes those parents are going through something … sometimes they just can’t do any more than they are doing, and just getting their kids to practice/games is tough. (And sometimes they’re just lazy, too).
Good luck!!!
You’re so right about not getting frustrated, Kristen. I need to remember not to jump to conclusions so quickly. As for assigning volunteers, the league actually recommended I do it that way, but I resisted because I thought it sounded so rude. I know I wouldn’t appreciate being *told* when I *had* to work a shift. That said, clearly it would have been the better way and you can bet it is exactly what I’ll do {if there is a} next time. Thanks for your ideas.
I know your frustrations, even at this time of my life you find you have the doers and the others. I don’t understand these people regardless of their age. Keep doing what you are doing to the best of your abilities.
Is Jayce #1? Adam is #1 on his kickball team.
I was going to say the same as Jen. We assign snack duty at the beginning of the season, and it is everyone’s responsibility to check the list and bring snack. We never had anyone miss last year.
I like what Kristen said about sometimes parents just can’t do more than they are doing. That is a good reminder not to judge because you don’t know what someone might be going through. And I just might have to steal her 3rd idea about the photo book!
True. It is a good reminder. My chief complaint is that these parents are downright rude when you ask them something, replying with rolled eyes (right to my face!) or snotty emails. It’s really disheartening.
Oh, last year I bought a frame with a mat and stenciled “#1 Coach” on the mat.
Honestly, as a soccer, swim meet, baseball, and basketball mom, I think its ridiculous that there has to be a snack after the game. When I was a kid, a parent provided a big thing of water, some dixie cups, and a orange wedges for the purpose of hydration and energy during the half-time. This whole parental “gotta bring a snack for after the game” seems silly to me. Especially since most the time (in my experience) the snacks have been things like sugar-filled juice boxes and chips/cookies/fruit roll ups. I don’t understand the need to always provide a snack at every event!
Whew! thanks for letting me vent… I feel better.
To answer your question: If I was team mom (and I have so been there!) and nobody signed up to bring snacks, I wouldn’t rescue. I know it sounds harsh, but the kids don’t really need it and it isn’t fair to the 20% to pick up the slack on something that isn’t necessity.
I wish I had mentioned that in my post because I totally agree with you that snacks after the game are excessive. It’s no wonder that we have such an overweight nation, what with our kids being given a snack every time they turn around. Can you believe they give snacks at Sunday school?! Seriously. Not only is it an hour long, but also a mere hour after we ate breakfast!
Hear, hear! I have accepted the snack expectation, but kind of hate it. And with soccer we have to have a halftime snack (usually fruit, and no drinks) and end of game snack. And with allergies on the rise, wouldn’t it be easier to just let each family handle their own child’s snack?
Our team mom assigns us days to bring snacks. She simply hands us the schedule and we have to do it. Only one time did the parent not bring a snack.
Gift card to a restaurant. Maybe one of those cards that lets you pick between a few restaurants since you don’t know what he likes.
Good luck!
After years of being team mom..i actually volunteer for the duty :). Yep, glutten for punishment, but I enjoy it!
My suggestions: When I know I’m going to get resistance when it comes to snacks, I have each parent pitch in a certain amount of $…say $10 for the year or something. Then I can buy the snack in bulk and then actually CONTROL what my kids are eating and make it HEALTHY :). As for the snack shack…we have a policy where a teen a certain age can work the shack IF the parents don’t want to..BUT, they have to pay the teen $5 to work it. So if Josh’s mom and dad don’t want to work on their mandatory assigned saturday, they can pay 2 teens to take their place. We have a few teens that LOVE this job and gives them some spending $ in the process. Unfortunately you are always going to have “those parents”, but you just have to find a way to work around them. As for coaches gifts, you could just add $5 to the snack $ and get him a gift certificate. If he’s been a coach a while, the trophies, etc., always overrun his house after awhile. We always give them a team picture framed (one of those matted ones). Just ask his wife, older child, etc., that comes to his games his favorite place…whether it’s walmart, restaurant or Sears. I’ve always found that gift cards are VERY well received and then I just have the team kids sign a card for them.
Hope all this helps and good luck!
I love the idea of just collecting money for the snacks. Why didn’t I think of that?! And also, I think I will go with a restaurant gift card. Thanks, Marleen!
Welcome to the world of childrens sports…I am going through it too since we showed up to play Sydney’s first soccer game EVER and find out WHEN WE GET THERE TO PLAY that our team coach quit…BEFORE ANY games or practices and that we had NO coach. Well, guess who the coach is??? Yep, ME. I feel ya sista, and let me just tell you, it really doesn’t get any better. It’s that way in sports AND school…you only get a small handfull of parents who actually care to be involved in their children’s lives. They can bitch and complain but can not be bothered to help out.
Why does it not surprise me that you got roped into being coach? That is exactly why I love you :)
What a pickle!
(Haha, get it? A pickle would totally count as a snack! ahhh, I digress…)
Actually, I like a lot of the suggestions in the comments. Why DO kids needs snacks at every turn around. Maybe no snack and, if parents are upset, they can sign up. Or, the tip about collecting money and heading to Costco is a great one too!
I wouldn’t just pick up the slack, that seems like it’s encouraging those parents to be slackers or, worse, rude.
Good luck! I do NOT look forward to those days…
I’m going to comment and then go back and read.
1.) Having half a dozen kids (whoa! seems like a lot when I say it that way!) is a great excuse to not be team mom. An unexpected bonus.
2.) Gift for coach: Restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit if you feel comfortable doing so. A chance to eat out with his wife sans kids (or at least w/o the older ones) would be a welcome treat I think.
3.) Don’t provide snacks every game and don’t let the coach if you can help it. I can’t believe most of the parents are bailing on that. So unfair to the team. However, you shouldn’t be making up for it and neither should the coach. It is just plain rude on the part of the parents to not help out.
4.) We played in a league that had teams take turns in the concession stand. I hated it. Honestly, it can be difficult just getting kids to games and practices. Having to factor in working in the concession stand was hard for me because I usually had younger kids with me, and I needed to arrange childcare if my husband was with a kid at another game. I think leagues should hire teenagers to work the concession stand. As a parent, I would have gladly paid an extra $20 to help cover the cost. Also, then you get better service in the concession stand because the same people work it and know where things go and how much they cost and so on. So I would suggest you voice your difficulties getting parent help to the league in the hopes they do something to alleviate the issue.
5.) Good for you taking on the role of team mom and handling it with patience.You’re kinder than I would be.
It’s becoming ever clearer to me that I should have asked for advice at the very start. You experienced team moms have such great advice to offer. I especially love the idea of offering to babysit–and not only because I’m totally having baby withdrawals ;) Also, I wish I could convince the coach not to bring snacks, but he won’t hear of it.
I’ve worn that many hats and it’s always difficult to get ppl
I agree with those who say the whole snack thing is unnecessary. I am on child number four in little league and I am so over it. Today one of the players (1st in line mind you) tried to take some for his sister. I asked him to wait and let me get his teammates first. He proceeded to follow me around and continue asking while his Mom looked on and said nothing to him.
Maybe it is just me, but I do not allow my other children to go up and ask for a snack if they are not part of the team even if there are extras. If it is offered we say “no, thank you”. I always make sure I have something for them. Since when are we responsible for the team plus the extra 10 siblings and friends who came along.
I have even had parents come up and ask if there are extras. Please tell it is not just me.
I can assure you that I would be annoyed by that behavior as well. I completely agree. Sadly, manners seem to have gone by the wayside these days.